Archives for the month of: July, 2014

Hello. How’s it all going? Glad to hear it (if its good). Have some chocolate (if its shitty). Anyway this post really is about me. I am not sure if this applies to any other Crohn’s suffers (if so please get in touch). And if there are any other Crohn’s suffers reading this, quick question. Do you guys talk to your disease as if it was a person? I do. This has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. Just curious.

So the blame game. I started thinking about this the other day. I have an almost crippling fear of progress. Anything that is unknown. It could be trying something new. It could be talking to someone about something important. All I know is that I don’t like it. A superficial smile and the illusion of progress will do me just fine. But it is not good. It is not healthy and it is detrimental to the disease.

Can I blame Crohn’s? Yes and no. The disease has not stopped me from doing anything that I have wanted to do in the grand scheme of things. Yes it has been a burden, and the signs of that are obvious. But it is also something more dangerous than a burden, it is a crutch. It is so easy to blame Crohn’s. And the more you blame it the easier it becomes. The fear of doing something new turns into apathy with the knowledge that I have an excuse. The comfort of this apathy turns into the fear of the unknown.

I have honestly just realised that I have this fear. It has affected so many parts of my personal and professional life that I feel that I have been stuck in limbo or purgatory for years now. But I am hoping this realisation brings a change. I am already trying to experience new things (like climbing and martial arts) and they have helped boost my confidence more that I could possibly explain. So now it is time to take this into my professional life. And more into my personal life too.

This post isn’t really meant for anyone but me. Writing helps make sense of my thoughts and subconscious. Plus autocorrect helps me sounding more smarter. Anyway lets pick a tune.

I know I only wrote a little while ago but here is just a quick thought.

What is Crohn’s, or any disease? Actually what is any knock in life? It is baptism under fire. Bruce Lee said ‘Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one’. And we do. I trained for 3 hours yesterday. I couldn’t walk 6 months ago.

I have had to make sacrifices. Change my lifestyle. Accept what I can’t have and enjoy what I do. I have been unable to move because moving would make my skin physically crack and start bleeding. I am nowhere near out of the woods. But this is my baptism.

If life was formulaic and easy, there would be no need for thought. It would just be unnecessary because the formula would tell you how to live. Struggle makes us dig deep. Without it we are too afraid to dig deep because of the fear of what we might find. Like failure.

But I think we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We are also weaker that we like to admit. But this baptism under fire forces us to accept these strengths and weaknesses.

That is all I think. Sorry for the brain vomit but it needs to be done from time to time. Now for the tune. Please turn your headphones/speakers up. You will be disappointed you didn’t.

This post title sound like the album name for some rubbish rock group trying to sound deep. Luckily I’m not a rock group and I’m not deep (or rubbish). This will be a very short post about something I have been thinking about a lot recently. That is the positive and negative cycles we go through. Having a chronic illness accentuates these cycles a lot more I think but we are all prone to them. I know I have gone though both on numerous occasions.

The negative cycle being that cycle of depression. You feel sick. To make yourself feel better mentally you eat comfort food. Comfort food is generally unhealthy. You feel unhealthy. You feel worse mentally. OR..You feel bad mentally. To make yourself feel better mentally you eat comfort food. Comfort food is generally unhealthy. You feel unhealthy. You feel worse physically. It takes a huge amount of fortitude to break this cycle because we don’t generally even notice it. This is why people with chronic disorders are so strong because we have to break this cycle. We don’t really have much of a choice.

The other is the positive cycle. You feel healthy. You want to eat healthy. You exercise to feel even better. You feel great mentally. OR…You feel great mentally. You eat healthily. You exercise to feel even better. You feel great physically. This cycle is the direct opposite of the negative cycle in every way. It is so much harder to maintain but the lifestyle is so much more worthwhile. Anyone that has ever had any illness from the common cold upwards knows how hard it is to get back to the gym or eat well after. And again it takes a huge amount of fortitude to get yourself on that upward spiral. But it is possible. Little steps. Little wins.

That is all really. Here is my tune for the post and it is just legendary.